No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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