took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
