How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
