Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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