Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
