Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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