Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's never too late to be topless.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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