Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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