Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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