11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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