omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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