Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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