GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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