I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize