The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
