At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
