Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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