would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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