I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
