all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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