I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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