Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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