i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
