I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
