In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
