I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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