school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
