Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was born a porn star she said
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
