She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
