dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
