This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
