The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
