We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
