Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
