im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
