...so i touched it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
