I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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