The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize