Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
