And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
