highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
