she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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