dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
did i walk over a car last night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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