is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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