I just threw up on my dentist
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
