just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
