i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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