He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No subtext here. People are naked.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize