i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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