The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
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