you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize