there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
