I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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