i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
