Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
