Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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