i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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