this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
