Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
well you can't waste a boner
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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