fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
