Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
