How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
