Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
