He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
