TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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