Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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