hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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