The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
