I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
