I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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